The photographer from the paper made me set everything out on the wall and took a close up photo in the process the jar of coffee smashed. I was already feeling quite protective about my parcel.
I set it out when I got home and looked at it. I thought about what I normally eat which includes homemade soup, lots of fruit and veg, porridge and brown rice, nothing fried, no sugar, no biscuits, no chocolate, no instant coffee.

Reflection 1
Asylum Seekers come from other countries and often have very different dietary needs.
I also thought that for some people living in poverty in other parts of the world this parcel could be luxurious.
On Saturday night (just before I started the challenge) I went out for a Christmas dinner to the pub it cost £25 for two, not too expensive but the next day, when I was making decisions about what to spend my £5 on, I felt ashamed, £25 could feed a family of four!!

£5 to spend, on what? It just had to be food, over the week I bought;

One, large, brown, out of date, half price, loaf 43p
One pack of out of date buttery marg 41p
1 kg potatoes 40p
1kg onions 30p
1 tin baked beans 12p
1 tin spaghetti 12p
200g cheddar cheese 75p
6 eggs 50p
1 litre longlife milk 35p
bag of seconds satsumas 31p
Total £3.69

I cheated. I used my car to go to work. I slept in a bed every night except one when I slept on the floor in the home of a refugee family who made me so comfortable I felt like the princess on the pea. I used deodorant, toothpaste, face cream, mascara, my usual vitamins and minerals. I used the computer at home and the central heating was on.
What was hard, eating things I wasn’t used to eating like wheat ( I have an intolerance) not being able to entertain all week, using tea bags twice, lack of protein, lack of veg and salad, same things day after day. I drank too much tea and coffee which gave me a headache.
I had to go the the supermarket for some stuff to make a Christmas cake for someone I felt truly disoriented and was obsessed with the price of things I tried to find something under 30p it was impossible and I came away feeling quite distressed and hungry.
I realised that I reward myself with nice food and alcohol and without the reward I felt somewhat devalued, quite miserable and bad tempered. I was eating out of date old food which felt degrading.
I was only hungry when I did not take food out with me but I felt sluggish and tired.
I am living with my husband who did not want to take part in this I found it hard when he made a nice stew and I couldn’t have any.
Reflection 2
I am a woman and I have somewhere to stay I remembered Natasha who was so afraid of being deported that she moved out of her accommodation and was offered a home with a man who imprisoned her for 3 days and raped her, she was so vulnerable, we rescued her but eventually she was deported and rescued by a charity set up to protect women from sex traffickers.
I swapped the weetabix for porridge this was the only substitution but I made the porridge with water not milk, the dates made it edible. On Thursday I discussed the contents of the food parcel with someone who has lived off it for nearly 2 years the same thing every week. For the first time the challenge seemed easy I could stop on Sunday but she couldn’t, she lives in a hostel in one room with a woman friend they share bathroom, kitchen etc with all the other occupants Eastern Europeans in low paid jobs. I went with her to the asylum seekers support group where we had pizza and salad and fruit what a feast.
On Friday I was so hungry I begged the café staff to give me the weeks leftovers and took 2 chips from some one.
On Saturday I went to the Living Ghosts Conference in Manchester which was great especially the lunch I really ate too much but it was so nice to have salad and fruit and meat. Someone bought me a coffee at the station which was lovely and I found a £1 on the floor so I finished my week with £2.31 in my purse. There are so many things I could do with this money if I was an asylum seeker
Buy a phone card and talk to my family in Zimbabwe
Buy some toiletries
Buy a pair of tights, its so cold
Send money home
Save up for an emergency
Buy a coffee in Starbucks!!

Reflection 3
Its Saturday night going up to midnight, I have nearly finished, thank God I don’t have to start again tomorrow on the same parcel.
What have I achieved this week
Personal awareness and lots of reflection. I lost weight and realised that I could live on less
Excellent publicity for the Living Ghosts Campaign
Lots of opportunity to discuss the issues with people who had seen my photo in the paper
The Red Cross Parcel was displayed in my church which had an impact on the congregation
Local asylum seekers saw that people were trying to do something when the newspaper article was sent out to members of BIASAN
Everyone who had not seen a Red Cross parcel had things to say about the content
A determination to see the campaign through in my own church by distributing the postcards and encouraging people to send them, highlighting Christmas and the position of the Holy Family as Asylum Seekers, following through with more information on Migration Sunday 15th Jan and homelessness Sunday at the end of January, leading up to more weeks of living on food parcels, for more people during lent
God clearly said I should do this and He has given me the strength to continue with it, for this I give thanks