Cathryn Spiller's Endurance Challenge diary

Sunday 19 July

Well here we are day one, actually to let you into a secret it doesn't feel that difficult today but then its only day one. I had two pieces of fruit in my box, both of which I ate today, not too sensible maybe  but they would not have lasted long anyway. I thought I might as well eat them while they were fresh. I think it is salad, fruit and yoghurt I will miss the most. Also coffee and cheese. I had a jacket potato with soft cheese and onion for my main meal. This will get harder later in the week. Maybe I should have planned things a bit more, we shall see! I bought myself some milk, don't really like dried milk in tea, this cost 49p.

Monday 20 July

My mum is staying with me, she has a heart condition and needs a fair amount of help and TLC. I cook a lot of meals for her anyway, normally we would just eat the same menu. She has a lot to put up with, life is not too easy for her so I did not think it fair to trouble her with any of the changes necessary to live on  a food parcel for a week. Consequently I am cooking different food for her. Guess what I had? Yep, another jacket potato, I like jacket potatoes. This time I had it with tuna and tomatoes mixed together and warmed through. Actually it was very good, not hugely exciting but good.

But during the afternoon I had sat down for a while with Mum and we had  a cup of tea. Mum of course had a shortbread biscuit, I couldn't have one of those.  Later when we had dinner, Mum had all the extras, you know salad, mayonnaise, chutney. I miss those things.

All the things that make eating about much more than just keeping you going. For people living like this as reality, not just as a 'Do Some Good' project, that is the sadness, for them it really is about survival.

Tuesday 21 July

I am really missing coffee, really, coffee withdrawal symptoms I think. I should have opted for coffee not tea in my parcel, not sure how that happened but I have to live with it now. I did not bother with breakfast, because I don't have cereal and toast is a bit boring all the time. Besides I need to save the bread. I had a cheese sandwich at lunch time and that is the end of the cheese. Another thing you miss is snacking. Normally, I would love celery and mayonnaise, I am a huge fan of mayonnaise and celery and mayonnaise makes quite a healthy snack. I also miss fruit and yes, biscuits as well! So one of my coping strategies was to use the cheese as snacks, which is why the cheese has gone so quickly. Had an omelette as second meal with some tomatoes. A bit sparse but at least at the moment I am getting three meals (except I skipped breakfast.) One of our clients, whom SWVG works with, said the way to cope is one meal a day, which is where I think I will get to by Friday or Saturday.

I needed some loo roll and toothpaste, this cost £1.54.

Wednesday 22 July

I had to go in to the city today for  a meeting, so I went on the bus! This used up what was left of my £5. In fact I went over budget by 69p, I should have walked, at least one way, asylum-seekers do a lot of walking. Travel by bus or car is a luxury and a very expensive one at that! From now on I really have to live on the food that is left. I am really missing fruit and just being able to buy stuff without thinking too much. I did not buy a coffee in town, I wanted to, but did not have enough money, Coffee in a cafe is so expensive.  It made me think that asylum-seekers and others living on the breadline get no extras or treats except from kindly people they may meet, and even then it must be hard to be dependent on the generosity of others and to always have to be terribly grateful, just for a little extra pleasure or treat. After all, when I hit a rough patch in life or even just have a hard day, it is the little treats that make life bearable, that perk you up, that help you to cope. People seeking asylum need some treats, some break from the monotony, treats are a coping strategy and one that is not often available to those seeking asylum or to those living on the streets.  I really empathised with how hopeless life must seem without those little treats that help you to cope.

In the evening I had to attend a function at church and it included a meal which I obviously could not have. Lots of good conversations happened about the challenge  and the issues involved  but I also felt quite excluded from the general social participation. I must confess I did have some water melon, just a small slice, and it felt very luxurious.

Afterwards, later in the evening, I had some tuna with tomatoes and pasta. This was really nourishing and I appreciated it because I was actually hungry - often I eat when it's time, regardless of whether I am hungry. I am finding this whole week is reminding me about the real purpose of food at a need level, rather than a social level or as a leisure activity or as something that gives you comfort. Food plays all these roles sometimes but this week it has reminded me that fundamentally it is fulfilling a basic human need. That's how it is for asylum-seekers and others on the streets. They must be more aware of their bodily drives; the feeling of hunger is not something I am used to.

Thursday 23 July

I only had five slices of bread left, I had two slices of toast  for breakfast and skipped  lunch. I met a friend today and he bought me a coffee. Not sure if this broke the rules but it was very welcome.

Later, I cooked my mum a meal and then went for a run, I was getting quite high by the time I got back, having not eaten since breakfast. So I enjoyed eggs and tomatoes and another slice of toast. I am definitely eating more bread than I would normally eat.

Friday 24 July

I skipped breakfast today, and to be honest I didn't notice it much. I tried to keep busy because it stops me thinking about food. This is not so easy for asylum-seekers though, who are not allowed to work and do not have access to the same range of activities as I do in my own home. I had sardines on toast for lunch and this used the last of the bread. I really wanted an apple, really had a craving for an apple! I didn't succumb to it though.

I was grateful for a meal of pasta and beans but so wanted to put some herbs, or grey mustard on it, or a dash of tomato purée or something. The hardest thing for me this week has been the 'basicness' of the food. Normally I enjoy cooking and entertaining, it was strange seeing food as just food and nothing else. It was not about flavour, or colour, or variety or interest, simply about nourishment.  As a teacher it gave me lots of ideas for a harvest assembly, or a topic on food, and as a Christian it really made me appreciate God's provision.

Saturday 25 July

I had one egg for breakfast and no bread. This seemed really sparse. I went out for a run, did a fair bit of work on the computer, worked in the garden for a while and I felt really hungry as the day wore on. I also felt really high as I had earlier in the week. Once again my meal was beans and pasta.

I am so glad that tomorrow I can go back to normal. One week is OK somehow, hard but OK. I mean the actual quantity of food wasn't bad, not luxurious but sustainable. But living on this sort of diet and quantity for any length of time would be hard. It was so boring and repetitive and unbalanced. I so missed fruit! And butter, the luxury of butter!